Cómo aplicar límites a los niños

10 consejos para educar con disciplina a nuestros hijos

Para educar de manera eficaz a nuestros hijos debemos marcar las reglas en casa con el objetivo de cumplirlas. El secreto es hacerlo de manera coherente y con firmeza. Una de las consecuencias educativas de una falta de habilidad a la hora de establecer las normas y de marcar los límites puede ser la falta de respeto, que se produce cuando hablamos demasiado, exageramos en la emoción, y en muchos casos, nos equivocamos en nuestra forma de expresar con claridad lo que queremos o lo hacemos con demasiada autoridad.

Cuando necesitamos decir a nuestros hijos que deben hacer algo y “ahora” (recoger los juguetes, irse a la cama, etc.), debemos tener en cuenta algunos consejos básicos:

1. Objetividad. Es frecuente escuchar en nosotros mismos y en otros padres expresiones como ‘Pórtate bien’, ‘sé bueno’, o ‘no hagas eso’. Nuestros hijos nos entenderán mejor si marcamos nuestras normas de una forma más concreta. Un límite bien especificado con frases cortas y órdenes precisas suele ser claro para un niño. ‘Habla bajito en una biblioteca’; ‘agarra mi mano para cruzar la calle’ son algunos ejemplos de formas que pueden aumentar sustancialmente la relación de complicidad con tu hijo.

2. Opciones. En muchos casos, podemos dar a nuestros hijos una oportunidad limitada para decidir cómo cumplir sus órdenes. La libertad de oportunidad hace que un niño sienta una sensación de poder y control, reduciendo las resistencias. Por ejemplo: ‘Es la hora del baño. ¿Te quieres duchar o prefieres bañarte?’. ‘Es la hora de vestirse. ¿Quieres elegir un traje o lo hago yo?’ Esta es una forma más fácil y rápida de dar dos opciones a un niño para que haga exactamente lo que queremos.

3. Firmeza. En cuestiones realmente importantes, cuando existe una resistencia a la obediencia, nosotros necesitamos aplicar el límite con firmeza. Por ejemplo: ‘Vete a tu habitación ahora’ o ‘¡Para!, los juguetes no son para tirar’ son una muestra de ello. Los límites firmes se aplican mejor con un tono de voz seguro, sin gritos, y un gesto serio en el rostro. Los límites más suaves suponen que el niño tiene una opción de obedecer o no. Ejemplos de ligeros límites: ‘¿Por qué no te llevas los juguetes fuera de aquí?’; ‘Debes hacer las tareas de la escuela ahora’; ‘Vente a casa ahora, ¿vale?”. Esos límites son apropiados para cuando se desea que el niño tome un cierto camino. De cualquier modo, para esas pocas obligaciones ‘debe estar hecho’, serás mejor cómplice de tu hijo si aplicas un firme mandato. La firmeza está entre lo ligero y lo autoritario.

4. Acentúa lo positivo. Los niños son más receptivos al hacer lo que se les ordena cuando reciben refuerzos positivos. Algunas represiones directas como el ‘no’, dicen a un niño que es inaceptable su actuación, pero no explica qué comportamiento es el apropiado. En general, es mejor decir a un niño lo que debe hacer (‘habla bajo’) antes de lo que no debe hacer (‘No grites’). Los padres autoritarios tienden a dar más órdenes y a decir ‘no’, mientras los demás suelen cambiar las órdenes por las frases claras que comienzan con el verbo ‘hacer’.

5. Guarda distancias. Cuando decimos ‘quiero que te vayas a la cama ahora mismo’, estamos creando una lucha de poder personal con nuestros hijos. Una buena estrategia es hacer constar la regla de una forma impersonal. Por ejemplo: ‘Son las 8, hora de acostarse’ y le enseñas el reloj. En este caso, algunos conflictos y sentimientos estarán entre el niño y el reloj.

6. Explica el porqué. Cuando un niño entiende el motivo de una regla como una forma de prevenir situaciones peligrosas para sí mismo y para otros, se sentirá más animado a obedecerla. De este modo, lo mejor cuando se aplica un límite, es explicar al niño porqué tiene que obedecer. Entendiendo la razón, los niños pueden desarrollar valores internos de conducta o comportamiento y crear su propia conciencia. Antes de dar una larga explicación que puede distraer a los niños, manifiesta la razón en pocas palabras. Por ejemplo: ‘No muerdas a las personas. Eso les hará daño’. 

7. Sugiere una alternativa. Siempre que apliques un límite al comportamiento de un niño, intenta indicar una alternativa aceptable. Sonará menos negativo y tu hijo se sentirá compensado. De este modo, puedes decir: ‘ese es mi pintalabios y no es para jugar. Aquí tienes un lápiz y papel para pintar’. Al ofrecerle alternativas, le estás enseñando que sus sentimientos y deseos son aceptables. Este es un camino de expresión más correcto.

8. Firmeza en el cumplimiento. Una regla puntual es esencial para una efectiva puesta en práctica del límite. Una rutina flexible (acostarse a las 8 una noche, a las 8 y media en la próxima, y a las 9 en otra noche) invita a una resistencia y se torna imposible de cumplir. Rutinas y reglas importantes en la familia deberían ser efectivas día tras día, aunque estés cansado o indispuesto. Si das a tu hijo la oportunidad de dar vueltas a sus reglas, ellos seguramente intentarán resistir.

9. Desaprueba la conducta, no al niño. Deja claro a tus hijos que tu desaprobación está relacionada con su comportamiento y no va directamente hacia ellos. No muestres rechazo hacia los niños. Antes de decir ‘eres malo’, deberíamos decir ‘eso está mal hecho’ (desaprobación de la conducta).

10. Controla las emociones. Los investigadores señalan que cuando los padres están muy enojados castigan más seriamente y son más propensos a ser verbalmente y/o físicamente abusivos con sus niños. Hay épocas en que necesitamos llevar con más calma la situación y contar hasta diez antes de reaccionar.

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